“I look forward to experiencing the world seen through your eyes..”
This was a comment I received on a post I published a couple of days ago, and although it was obviously complimentary and meant as an endorsement of what they’d read so far (which I very much appreciated), it kinda got me thinking; and then, in my typical fashion, self analysing.
I started to wonder how another person would perceive “the world seen through my eyes,” and then, more crucially perhaps, how do I see the world? What kind of personal, subjective filter do I bring down over objective reality?
How do I, and my emotions and perspectives, shade the way I see my surroundings?
I am the same as most people, I suppose, in saying that it definitely depends what mood I’m in; also where I am, who I am with and what I am doing. If I’m in a bad mood I’m more likely to be irritated, bothered and overwhelmed.
But generally, I think; I do see the world as being a largely beautiful place, charged with wonder, mystery and possibility.
My psychosis and a lot of my early experiences with schizophrenia fed into this love for the beauty of everyday things; the artist in me was pulled to the surface and inspired, and I still spend a lot of time distractedly pondering how to mix the perfect colour, which combination of acyrlic paints would catch a shadow or an impression best.
For me, beauty isn’t only the fantastic view from the top of a sky scraper, or a countryside expanse of green, grey and blue which seems to stretch into infinity; or watching the sunset yellow into a glittering ocean.
Beauty is in everything; beauty is in the mundane, and the everyday, and the seemingly derelict.
I love travelling by train through London, and watching the backside to houses, streets; and all the stuff that isn’t primped and preened for appearances sake. I love the seediness, the unpolished nature of real life and the shabbiness that comes with deep and varied experience.
I have also had a fair number mind-bending experiences, with this mind-bending condition; which have definitely affected the way I see the world now.
If I am distracted, and my attention is pulled inwards, the world will seems to fade slightly and become less distinct; but then when I resurface and my focus reconnects with the external world it’s like everything around me blooms into 3-d and my eyes seem to widen to take in this greater view.
People seem realer somehow, more whole and more tangible when I am focused outward. When I’m not distracted by some bs delusional crap going on in my head, I can feel the wholeness of the world, the physicality of my surroundings.
The mind is a powerful things, and the way it can alter and shift how you relate to the world can be tangible and, at times, shocking.
So I hope that my impression of the outside world would be positive and interesting to another person; and I hope even more that I can engage my readers with an impression of reality which is perhaps a little far left of the ordinary. I guess I’ll have to wait and see if that author of that comment returns..