“I look forward to experiencing the world seen through your eyes..”
This was a comment I received on a post I published a couple of days ago, and although it was obviously complimentary and meant as an endorsement of what they’d read so far (which I very much appreciated), it kinda got me thinking; and then, in my typical fashion, self analysing.
I started to wonder how another person would perceive “the world seen through my eyes,” and then, more crucially perhaps, how do I see the world? What kind of personal, subjective filter do I bring down over objective reality?
How do I, and my emotions and perspectives, shade the way I see my surroundings?
I am the same as most people, I suppose, in saying that it definitely depends what mood I’m in; also where I am, who I am with and what I am doing. If I’m in a bad mood I’m more likely to be irritated, bothered and overwhelmed.
But generally, I think; I do see the world as being a largely beautiful place, charged with wonder, mystery and possibility.
My psychosis and a lot of my early experiences with schizophrenia fed into this love for the beauty of everyday things; the artist in me was pulled to the surface and inspired, and I still spend a lot of time distractedly pondering how to mix the perfect colour, which combination of acyrlic paints would catch a shadow or an impression best.
For me, beauty isn’t only the fantastic view from the top of a sky scraper, or a countryside expanse of green, grey and blue which seems to stretch into infinity; or watching the sunset yellow into a glittering ocean.
Beauty is in everything; beauty is in the mundane, and the everyday, and the seemingly derelict.
I love travelling by train through London, and watching the backside to houses, streets; and all the stuff that isn’t primped and preened for appearances sake. I love the seediness, the unpolished nature of real life and the shabbiness that comes with deep and varied experience.
I have also had a fair number mind-bending experiences, with this mind-bending condition; which have definitely affected the way I see the world now.
If I am distracted, and my attention is pulled inwards, the world will seems to fade slightly and become less distinct; but then when I resurface and my focus reconnects with the external world it’s like everything around me blooms into 3-d and my eyes seem to widen to take in this greater view.
People seem realer somehow, more whole and more tangible when I am focused outward. When I’m not distracted by some bs delusional crap going on in my head, I can feel the wholeness of the world, the physicality of my surroundings.
The mind is a powerful things, and the way it can alter and shift how you relate to the world can be tangible and, at times, shocking.
So I hope that my impression of the outside world would be positive and interesting to another person; and I hope even more that I can engage my readers with an impression of reality which is perhaps a little far left of the ordinary. I guess I’ll have to wait and see if that author of that comment returns..
Mad new world 
Thankyou for a truly wonderful post. I was especially interested when you spoke about the times that your mind would turn inwards. I doubt if there are many who will have had this experience.
I am trying now to untangle the bipolar from the schizophrenic, the first being the “flip flop” between the extremes of human experience; the schizophrenic, being, well, something else. More the place in our minds that is assailed from things that come from outside.
But this is merely me trying to get my head around things that I do not yet fully understand.
Which is why I appreciate your frankness so much. You’ve taught me a very great deal. I’m expecting to learn a very great deal more…
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Hehe I thought you’d like this one 😉 And you’ll be happy to know I have ideas for quite a few more, a series, if you will, on all the strange and various occurances which whilst not being distressing necessarily, are bizarre and I guess noteworthy. So I’m not entirely sure what I’m teaching?! But I’m glad you find them interesting, and once again, thank you for your kind words- they still mean a lot 🙂
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Does it matter what you teach me? The mere fact that you are prepared to speak openly and honestly means that there will be things you describe that I could not know about.
On my own blog, one chap said how the mathematical posts interest him (implying that the others didn’t). No matter, that is his area of interest.
I’m interested in people who express themselves courageously.
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Thank you 🙂 Still means a lot. I am so intrigued btw about the conclusions you are drawing- we need to talk more about this. I agree that bi-polar is like flying between two extremes. I knew a woman who I swear was actually two different people.. the difference outwardly was astounding. Schizophrenia, yeah, it’s a whole different kettle of fish. Although I think bi-poler people do also suffer the delusional thinking and the fantastical experiences. Anyway, will write more later xx
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And I am really looking forward to your next posts 🙂 🙂 🙂
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You will know of the three areas of consciousness available to the human being.
Those for whom only one area is fully conscious are now all but irretrievable; it would be simple enough if they thought it worth doing. But that’s the problem.
For someone who only has the feeling realm as their conscious attribute, everything will appear big or small. Bipolar by any other name. The point here being that there is no possible way for them to determine through their own powers of thinking which is right… the result is pure confusion. Everything they write will be contradictory, confused and muddled.
They will also react erratically, and as you mention with the lady, can appear in two utterly different guises, the change is so dramatic.
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