So today has been good so far.
The sun is out and shining bright, and although i woke late i managed to gather together all my things (a massive bag packed for 5 nights at Ru’s), pick up a taxi to take me down the hill to the station and jump on my train with two minutes to spare.
I got to Sutton train station at 9.48 exactly, and made it down the hill to arrive at the front door of the office at 10.00am. Perfect timing. I actually felt pretty smug that i’d managed to get in on time, despite the fact that i’d lay in bed for over an hour earlier this morning repeatedly hitting snooze.
The office is calm and quiet, and i am working on mindfullness and remaining in the monent and resisting the urge to be affected by negative voices. The reactions i have are generally irritation, anxiety or self doubt- BUT- none of them are real, they are only the voices of my own stress and mind/distress.
I have a dear friend on WordPress who has made me aware of the concept of the “comfort zone,” and it is this which i am currently focusing on strengthening. It is already happening. I am connecting with the quiet and the calm more and more, and it is an entirely delicious feeling.
Just sitting here writing this, the me in my mind feels like she is lying on a sunny beach, where the sun is gorgeous but not too hot and a light breeze blows occasionally. The sky is cornflower endless blue and the day is stretching ahead, open and light and free and i can let myself relax and enjoy the stillness and the calm.
Ha, i’m sure you’re thinking- “on a thursday norning in the office?! You really are mad!” But after the upheaval and violence of the last few weeks, the simple quiet of this office literally feels like a godsend.
I just spoke to my boss, and another colleague who is really lovely and understanding, and told them (briefly and sugarcoated) about the last couple of weeks. My boss is great, and came right and said to me she thinks i push myself too hard. I was like, what you’ve known me 3 months and you have already become aware of that?! Do i radiate a glaring and obvious sense of ridiculous overthought and overanalysing stress?!
Perhaps i do. But this is something i am slowly getting into check; learning to distinguish between what are healthy and sensible levels of pushing myself fowards to grow and achieve more, and what are simply the voices in my mind screaming insults which are unfounded and only destructive.
Destructive things are to be avoided, peaceful things are to be embraced.
So i am enjoying my inner mind calm this morning. The me in my mind is stubbornly staying on the beach, and refusing to be drawn by niggles and worries and voices.
The day is sunny and beautiful and the office is peaceful- the day is full and brimming with possibility, and i’m just about to head out to buy bits for a social group i’m running later.
Keep smiling and have a good day everybody 🙂