Poetry

How to kill the voice in my head (1)

Alex Sarll

Big dog, voice in my head which refuses to

stop panting. Like some oversized mutt which

needs the barrel of a gun in it’s mouth.

I generally resist such violence, especially to

apparently harmless animals, but this dog

has a leering grin and a lolling tongue

and breath which makes my skin crawl.

It’s skin in teaming with tics and lice and

and it’s face is bloated with patches of rot.

It needs to be put down; there is

no other option. It has been following

me around for years, sometimes limping

erratically and sometimes bearing

down on me in all it’s ravaged ferocity.

It is a black dog, this I have seen,

and I know I need to end it, permanently.

There can be no more hopeful sentiments-

Perhaps it will stop coming at me,

perhaps the maggots will

stop dripping from it’s panting mouth

and filling me with such a sense of horror

that I trip and stumble and lose my way.

It has to be ended, it has to be stopped-

I must find the one and only gun I have,

put it into the mutts mouth

and pull the trigger.

Then I must keep moving.

7 thoughts on “How to kill the voice in my head (1)”

  1. Only you can imagine this dog, it can only have this shape because of the negative things that inhabit your mind.

    In a way, you’re not looking at the dog’s head – but up its arse. The foulness you experience is due to the fact that you’re listening to the wrong end, the smelly end. And yes, we all have that. But we cannot think without its help, and we cannot think but that we have dark thoughts that arise out of misunderstandings.

    So don’t put the barrel of your gun up its bum. Turn it around and see if you can get it to wag its tail first.

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    1. Haha it’s true, as always your insight it utterly on the ball. I know this, perhaps this poem is part of the process of re acknowledging that I have the presence to do that. In fact I think it’s already happening. Thank you. How is your writing coming? xx

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      1. Blog posts, yes, proper writing, no. I’ve had a cold for two weeks, which has had some positive outcomes – the writing can wait.

        Put better, it will have to wait!

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      2. And yes, I said it because I know what you need to do – and have the courage to meet.

        You’ve brought up an issue I need to deal with on my private blog, by the way. Watch out!

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    1. Am still in the process tbh. It’s like some freakish zombie dog! I have shot it through the head so many times, but it’s bloody persistant. I do feel, however, that it’s weakening. It’s more my own anticipation of its horror that affects me now, rather than it’s actual presense.. and only time can make that fade. Thanks for reading 🙂

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      1. That is a very powerful force you’re dealing with, and anything you do against it, it will only bite back the harder.

        What is encouraging in your comment is when you say, “It’s more my own anticipation of its horror that affects me now, rather than it’s actual presense”. When that ‘horror’ recedes, you will realize that it’s actually a very friendly dog. In fact, all it wanted to do was be friendly (not to mention, just a little naughty) but bouncing up at you in the way it did wasn’t very nice when it was so unexpected.

        It’s all a matter of knowing what you’re dealing with…

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