Poetry

White pill

White pill-

you are my compromise.

Not accepting you

means delusion

realised.

You are my answer

to the aches and

screams,

my solution to the

ill at ease,

I swallow you whole,

yet

you consume me,

your chemical daze

inebriates me,

dull daze,

dull gaze.

While I am with you

I can’t claim

to be free

and this I cannot

abide.

I cannot stomach

the dismantled pride

or the break

in the rhythm

of my dogged stride,

the sensation of never

being alone inside

only heightens

when I reject you.

So-

I force myself to smile,

touch you to

my tongue

and take you down

with icy water

whole in one,

accept your lies,

my brain’s already fried

already wired

what’s one more nail,

what’s one more external

stimuli?

White pill

compromise

disjointed sanity

or subjective

suicide.

I loath you

white pill-

but I agree

to swallow you-

without you the possibilities

only multiply.

White pill,

or otherwise

my brains relentless

urge to

fantasise.

White pill,

White pill-

there’s no way out,

just constant

debilitating

gut-wrenching

compromise.

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “White pill

  1. This is so deep. I can relate.. I just got out of the psych hospital Thursday evening, and while there I took my medicins,.. but at home? It’s a fight just to get me to take one. Last night my fiance literally had to put them into my mouth as I cried and freaked out. When I’m doing good I tend to take my medicine no problem, but when I’m not so good,.. it’s a whole different story.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yep, meds are a nightmare. I’ve taken them for thirteen years, because the illness put the fear of not taking them into me. But, as the poem hopefully conveys, I bloody hate them! They dull me up, and are a constant reminder of what I’ve lost. I have good days with this illness, sometimes, but the meds I bloody hate! I so hope you’re ok and safe and feeling better- this illness is a nightmare, an utter nightmare.

      Liked by 1 person

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