On Mental Health

Starting a new role at work, managing nerves and other distractions.

I have just arrived at a new job, quite literally- I just walked through the door to the building five minutes ago. I’m sitting in the waiting room now, because I got here a bit early and my new manager is still on the phone.

I’m fairly nervous, although reasonably, I know that there’s no need to be.

It’s only two days a week, and is basically the same job I’ve been doing for the last year, only in a slightly different setting. I’ve been working within a floating support scheme, so the clients I work with all have stable tenancies and live independently.

This new job will be based out of a supported housing service, which mean the clients live on site and are at the stage just before independent living, where they might need still need some degree of support to manage the different aspects of their lives.

So in both roles my purpose is the same- to support the people I work with to achieve/maintain independence, and achieve the things they want to which would increase their sense of well-being and quality of life.

I’ve gotta say it, I do love my job. It’s interesting, and rewarding. No two days are the same and for me personally, it’s massively life affirming.

The place that I’m sitting in now, is very similar to places I have lived myself, years and years ago. I am more at home in these supported living environments than people would imagine when they met me now.

All of that feels like another world now though, and another life, but it’s strange sitting here in the waiting room, looking out the French windows into a little garden, remembering the days and months I spent in units like this, years ago when I needed a degree of support myself.

The fact that I’ve come a long enough way to be on the other side of the situation now is mind-boggling.

I’m still waiting for the manager to come back, he said he’d made me a cup of tea, and then disappeared off with it. Unless he made the cup of tea, forgot he’d offered one to me, and is now happily sipping it in the next room!

I’m fairly nervous right now. It’s stupid because I know the manager, I’ve met him quite a few times before and he’s really nice. Moreover I know I can do this job! It will have a slightly different emphasis to what I’ve done previously but the basics are the same.

All I’m doing here right now is having an introductory meeting, to find out a little bit more about the scheme and what I’ll be doing here.

There is no reason to feel nervous! And yet my nerves are jangling, my chest is tense and my belly is full of butterflies..

This is where my schiz makes me roll my eyes, because it makes me nervy about ridiculous things. I freak out about freaking out, and then I get angry with myself for that.. and when I’m slightly jittery anyway for small justifiable reasons it’s like the tension just generates and generates.

But- it will be fine. I know it will be fine. I’m excited, as well as being nervous, and I think that sometimes that feeds into the whole stressy sensation.

Anyway- I think I can hear him moving now, so I will end this entry and put my phone away.

Wish me luck for the meeting..!


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