Reaching forwards, trailing backwards. I used to struggle telling the time: one hand moved so fast whilst the other dragged- shadows always felt more meaningful than the light and the masochist in me never wanted my sins to be seen. I crave an empty room now: space and time to myself, a rope ladder reaching…… Continue reading Therapy
I went to see my doctor on Thursday. This is my psych doctor: I think he’s a psychiatrist but not one of the bad ones who instinctively reaches for the perscription pad instead of taking the time to talk through an issue. I’ve always had a bit of an issue with psychiatrists for just this…… Continue reading A Check in.
I’m going through quite a strange phase at the moment. I’ve written a couple of posts, in the last couple of months about how I”m no longer 100% comfortable stating that the difficulties I encounter day to day can be attributed to the schizophrenia, and I wonder if through this observation I’ve started a ball…… Continue reading A Strange Phase..
This article is something of a continuation of the last piece I published. In that one I was writing about how a perceived loss of agency affected my ability to deal with the symptoms of my schizophrenia. However as I was writing it occurred to me that this is an extremely commonplace problem- everyone needs…… Continue reading Why my mental health condition may no longer be a “mental health” condition.
This may end up becoming something of a rant, so I apologise in advance if this article turns into something of a targeted slagging off session against my doctor, societal norms generally and/or the way I seem to police myself and my own thinking. I started writing it a few days ago, but had to…… Continue reading The importance of agency, when dealing with mental health symptoms
The focus of this article is an issue I’ve been struggling with for some time, which just resurfaced in my thinking in the form of symptoms. The subject and problem just sort of fell into my mind, piggy-backing on the “voices” which, as is often the case, felt half profound and half completely random. I’ve…… Continue reading Personal faith, and how to reconcile it with a mental health diagnosis
I’ve just been talking to my friend N, who (for those of you who haven’t read other posts of mine) is a close friend who also suffers mental health issues. We met at the Royal Bethlem hospital and so she is the only other person in the world I can speak to openly and honestly…… Continue reading Labeling one’s own condition
Those old creams and colours of contentment, calming in the context of waiting rooms and therapists offices are now offset, finally by the powder blue and silver beige carpet of the first place which has really felt like home for a long time. A space, after the aqua blue of the smoking room of Delius…… Continue reading Contemplation
I spent time deliberating over the title of this post. This may not sound particularly note-worthy but as it neatly sums up the main vein running through this article I thought I’d make reference to it. I’ve just moved into a new flat. It’s absolutely beautiful and I have found myself tonight slightly mesmorised by…… Continue reading New beginning
I have often been left comments on this site, which have gone something along the lines of: “you’re so great and open in how you write about your schizophrenia: you describe it so vividly and write so honestly about how it effects you.” This is largely true: I enjoy using this blog as a way…… Continue reading Meandering and adjusting