Those old creams and colours of contentment, calming in the context of waiting rooms and therapists offices are now offset, finally by the powder blue and silver beige carpet of the first place which has really felt like home for a long time. A space, after the aqua blue of the smoking room of Delius…… Continue reading Contemplation
I ate an apple once- he said you should be choking, it was already old. You should be ill, it was full up with rot, maggots crawling from it’s ruined flesh. You should be tired and yet you walk beside me head held high how is this possible? He said until he realised he was…… Continue reading Religion
I’ve decided to write a post with the sole intention of reclaiming this blog space. It won’t be a long article, but I felt that the need to type a few words explicitly channelling this desire because it’s opposite- self-doubt- has been plaguing me and preventing me from writing here as often as I’d like…… Continue reading Reclaiming this blog- space as my own to be as self-obsessive as I choose..
I haven’t been writing much lately. Lols. I thought, the only up-side to having a severe mental health relapse and having to leave work and go back onto benefits is that I’ll have a lot of time to write! I thought: I can get up in the morning, spend a few hours working and then…… Continue reading I will start writing, I will start writing, I will start writing….
I looked you up; you locked me out. Freezing water took over my senses then- my jaw clenched and I ground my teeth like an animal I wanted to throw things break things and then set out on exhibition- set out into the frozen unknown wasteland to find you, stalk you down and then scream…… Continue reading Clenched jaw
The morning air meets me as I open my stuffy eyes and stare into a new day; hours of time unravelled like an onion ahead of me. I blink painfully and crawl out of bed, cowering beneath the sheets, clinging onto the carpet with my toes feeling them stretch and crack like walnuts- the drugs…… Continue reading Morning on Chlozapine
Bittersweet at Christmas; the fairy-lights flickered in and out of my thinking in a curious rhythm I couldn’t quite switch off from. I was mesmorised, every now and then somebody would call out something and I would have to concentrate to remember whether this was an internal sound or whether it emitted from outside of…… Continue reading Bittersweet at christmas
It’s strange, I spent a day yesterday staring at the computer screen, unable to type anything or even construct a sentence. I don’t usually suffer with this problem, usually I have an idea and can pen enough for an article in half an hour or so. However I think that post christmas, post relapse, I’m…… Continue reading Post christmas, post relapse- and an understandable lack of direction.
I fell into seawater. Descended too far, the pressure was almost too much for my ears. But something pulled me up- some warm surge of power a current racing towards the light through so much dark debris and out into clearer aqua blues and greens. I emerged with sea weed in my hair, bloody from…… Continue reading Ascent (poem)
Time passes like fallen leaves- you’re in my mind constantly and the wind keeps the door open and banging incessantly. The silence chimes like bells when your voice doesn’t interrupt. I stare forwards relentlesslyeyes freezing- waiting for these echoes to cease.