Reaching forwards, trailing backwards. I used to struggle telling the time: one hand moved so fast whilst the other dragged- shadows always felt more meaningful than the light and the masochist in me never wanted my sins to be seen. I crave an empty room now: space and time to myself, a rope ladder reaching…… Continue reading Therapy
Those old creams and colours of contentment, calming in the context of waiting rooms and therapists offices are now offset, finally by the powder blue and silver beige carpet of the first place which has really felt like home for a long time. A space, after the aqua blue of the smoking room of Delius…… Continue reading Contemplation
I ate an apple once- he said you should be choking, it was already old. You should be ill, it was full up with rot, maggots crawling from it’s ruined flesh. You should be tired and yet you walk beside me head held high how is this possible? He said until he realised he was…… Continue reading Religion
I haven’t been writing much lately. Lols. I thought, the only up-side to having a severe mental health relapse and having to leave work and go back onto benefits is that I’ll have a lot of time to write! I thought: I can get up in the morning, spend a few hours working and then…… Continue reading I will start writing, I will start writing, I will start writing….
The morning air meets me as I open my stuffy eyes and stare into a new day; hours of time unravelled like an onion ahead of me. I blink painfully and crawl out of bed, cowering beneath the sheets, clinging onto the carpet with my toes feeling them stretch and crack like walnuts- the drugs…… Continue reading Morning on Chlozapine
It’s strange, I spent a day yesterday staring at the computer screen, unable to type anything or even construct a sentence. I don’t usually suffer with this problem, usually I have an idea and can pen enough for an article in half an hour or so. However I think that post christmas, post relapse, I’m…… Continue reading Post christmas, post relapse- and an understandable lack of direction.
Time passes like fallen leaves- you’re in my mind constantly and the wind keeps the door open and banging incessantly. The silence chimes like bells when your voice doesn’t interrupt. I stare forwards relentlesslyeyes freezing- waiting for these echoes to cease.
This love’s a craving a desire deeper than the fishes- there is so much dark in me and though I myself can always see the light, the beacon, it may not flash so consistently for another locked into my orbit. I burn as brightly as the sun yet when I meet another hotter entity I…… Continue reading Phoenix Rising (poem)
I am adrift and un-anchoured. When you sit next to me the blue carpet beneath us rolls and the sofa pitches as if we are aboard a vessel steaming across a vast uncharted ocean. Waves rock and roll us and the motion is relentless- I can taste salt on my lips and feel the wet…… Continue reading Unrequited lust (poem)
The present moment, a mess of interpretation a puzzle strewn across my minds eye. Leaves scattered across an old picnic blanket left behind after the long summer day. The night winds blow cold now through the eaves and echoes of laughter and screams of delight idle away like wet foot prints across a…… Continue reading Movement (poem)