Reaching forwards, trailing backwards. I used to struggle telling the time: one hand moved so fast whilst the other dragged- shadows always felt more meaningful than the light and the masochist in me never wanted my sins to be seen. I crave an empty room now: space and time to myself, a rope ladder reaching…… Continue reading Therapy
I went to see my doctor on Thursday. This is my psych doctor: I think he’s a psychiatrist but not one of the bad ones who instinctively reaches for the perscription pad instead of taking the time to talk through an issue. I’ve always had a bit of an issue with psychiatrists for just this…… Continue reading A Check in.
I’m going through quite a strange phase at the moment. I’ve written a couple of posts, in the last couple of months about how I”m no longer 100% comfortable stating that the difficulties I encounter day to day can be attributed to the schizophrenia, and I wonder if through this observation I’ve started a ball…… Continue reading A Strange Phase..
This article is something of a continuation of the last piece I published. In that one I was writing about how a perceived loss of agency affected my ability to deal with the symptoms of my schizophrenia. However as I was writing it occurred to me that this is an extremely commonplace problem- everyone needs…… Continue reading Why my mental health condition may no longer be a “mental health” condition.
This may end up becoming something of a rant, so I apologise in advance if this article turns into something of a targeted slagging off session against my doctor, societal norms generally and/or the way I seem to police myself and my own thinking. I started writing it a few days ago, but had to…… Continue reading The importance of agency, when dealing with mental health symptoms
Those old creams and colours of contentment, calming in the context of waiting rooms and therapists offices are now offset, finally by the powder blue and silver beige carpet of the first place which has really felt like home for a long time. A space, after the aqua blue of the smoking room of Delius…… Continue reading Contemplation
I spent time deliberating over the title of this post. This may not sound particularly note-worthy but as it neatly sums up the main vein running through this article I thought I’d make reference to it. I’ve just moved into a new flat. It’s absolutely beautiful and I have found myself tonight slightly mesmorised by…… Continue reading New beginning
I ate an apple once- he said you should be choking, it was already old. You should be ill, it was full up with rot, maggots crawling from it’s ruined flesh. You should be tired and yet you walk beside me head held high how is this possible? He said until he realised he was…… Continue reading Religion
I’ve decided to write a post with the sole intention of reclaiming this blog space. It won’t be a long article, but I felt that the need to type a few words explicitly channelling this desire because it’s opposite- self-doubt- has been plaguing me and preventing me from writing here as often as I’d like…… Continue reading Reclaiming this blog- space as my own to be as self-obsessive as I choose..
The morning air meets me as I open my stuffy eyes and stare into a new day; hours of time unravelled like an onion ahead of me. I blink painfully and crawl out of bed, cowering beneath the sheets, clinging onto the carpet with my toes feeling them stretch and crack like walnuts- the drugs…… Continue reading Morning on Chlozapine