I’ve decided to write a post with the sole intention of reclaiming this blog space. It won’t be a long article, but I felt that the need to type a few words explicitly channelling this desire because it’s opposite- self-doubt- has been plaguing me and preventing me from writing here as often as I’d like…… Continue reading Reclaiming this blog- space as my own to be as self-obsessive as I choose..
The morning air meets me as I open my stuffy eyes and stare into a new day; hours of time unravelled like an onion ahead of me. I blink painfully and crawl out of bed, cowering beneath the sheets, clinging onto the carpet with my toes feeling them stretch and crack like walnuts- the drugs…… Continue reading Morning on Chlozapine
So the last few days have been strange. It’s gone over two months now I haven’t had a drink; I’ve cut out real cigarettes and am only smoking the e-cig, and have also cut out 90% of the refined sugar of my diet previously. This is a great achievement, and something I’d been trying to…… Continue reading Processing with the aid of leafy green vegetables.
About this time of year I always experience a deep sense of optimism and positivity about myself and my own potential. My awareness of the looming date – 1st January – always works to reassure me that all the things I want to achieve are, once again, achievable. This sensation and self belief always begins…… Continue reading New Years Resolutions
Never think something won’t happen; it seems to me, at this point in time, that my simplistic notions of previous experiences may have inadvertently led me back into hospital. They gave me a lot of strength, but it was an uneasy strength, a ‘not quite convinced’ strength. I knew I’d made an “amazing recovery,” I…… Continue reading A time-appropriate cautionary tale of schizophrenia.
Oh mad world- you want to chew me up and spit me out so badly and I am tempted, I cannot deny the heady scent of your hot saliva, dripping, steaming calls out to something in my blood, something salty red and present which only wants to be devoured. It’s just that- there’s another urge…… Continue reading Chew me up, spit me out
I’m presently locked into a violent and somewhat personal battle with the words which exist in my head. I’ve found most of the relevant ones already, now I’m struggling to rearrange them into an order which pleases me. This battle’s been going on for quite some time, and my associated war wounds are real and…… Continue reading #WritingCommunity
My last day at work was last Friday. My fixed term contract came to an end, and I’m currently waiting on a start date for new employment. This is all extremely exciting and massively nerve-wracking but I want to leave that for another post; the roller coaster which has been my “return to the world…… Continue reading A book proposal- AND a 10,000 person online platform
Life is strange. Does anyone else agree with me on this? That life can be mind-bendingly, jaw-achingly strange at times. I consider myself, to most intents and purposes, sane- and yet there are days when things happen which leave me baffled and somewhat in awe of this crazy occurrence called Life. I’m not sure if…… Continue reading Personal filters for reality (1)
Pursuing my dreams often causes me a headache, and yet the idea of not pursuing the things I can imagine seems infinitely more painful. The proverbial rock and hard-place. I am stuck between the looming rock-face I wish to scale, and the hard place behind me which is a hard, flat desert of inactivity. I spend…… Continue reading The tiring nature of pursuing ones dreams