Those old creams and colours of contentment, calming in the context of waiting rooms and therapists offices are now offset, finally by the powder blue and silver beige carpet of the first place which has really felt like home for a long time. A space, after the aqua blue of the smoking room of Delius…… Continue reading Contemplation
I’ve decided to write a post with the sole intention of reclaiming this blog space. It won’t be a long article, but I felt that the need to type a few words explicitly channelling this desire because it’s opposite- self-doubt- has been plaguing me and preventing me from writing here as often as I’d like…… Continue reading Reclaiming this blog- space as my own to be as self-obsessive as I choose..
I haven’t been writing much lately. Lols. I thought, the only up-side to having a severe mental health relapse and having to leave work and go back onto benefits is that I’ll have a lot of time to write! I thought: I can get up in the morning, spend a few hours working and then…… Continue reading I will start writing, I will start writing, I will start writing….
I looked you up; you locked me out. Freezing water took over my senses then- my jaw clenched and I ground my teeth like an animal I wanted to throw things break things and then set out on exhibition- set out into the frozen unknown wasteland to find you, stalk you down and then scream…… Continue reading Clenched jaw
The morning air meets me as I open my stuffy eyes and stare into a new day; hours of time unravelled like an onion ahead of me. I blink painfully and crawl out of bed, cowering beneath the sheets, clinging onto the carpet with my toes feeling them stretch and crack like walnuts- the drugs…… Continue reading Morning on Chlozapine
It’s strange, I spent a day yesterday staring at the computer screen, unable to type anything or even construct a sentence. I don’t usually suffer with this problem, usually I have an idea and can pen enough for an article in half an hour or so. However I think that post christmas, post relapse, I’m…… Continue reading Post christmas, post relapse- and an understandable lack of direction.
This love’s a craving a desire deeper than the fishes- there is so much dark in me and though I myself can always see the light, the beacon, it may not flash so consistently for another locked into my orbit. I burn as brightly as the sun yet when I meet another hotter entity I…… Continue reading Phoenix Rising (poem)
I am adrift and un-anchoured. When you sit next to me the blue carpet beneath us rolls and the sofa pitches as if we are aboard a vessel steaming across a vast uncharted ocean. Waves rock and roll us and the motion is relentless- I can taste salt on my lips and feel the wet…… Continue reading Unrequited lust (poem)
The present moment, a mess of interpretation a puzzle strewn across my minds eye. Leaves scattered across an old picnic blanket left behind after the long summer day. The night winds blow cold now through the eaves and echoes of laughter and screams of delight idle away like wet foot prints across a…… Continue reading Movement (poem)
I’m looking after a cat for the week. It’s the cutest pet and sometimes my mind falls away with it. Are metaphors successful if nobody else understands them? In the past my mind employed harmless ideas to cover up ghosts. The groping fingers of my grey matter would drape its ghouls in silks and baubles…… Continue reading Catharsis (2)